My friend got raped and now she’s pregnant. I am angry and sad and tired and angry again. She is numb. The pain is yet to completely sink in.
I was at my boyfriend’s and really wanted to get laid but I didn’t say.
Mama always told me that a man’s urges are uncontrollable and he won’t stop till he is satisfied. All I can think is that Mama and all the other women caused it. They raised uncontrollable men and make excuses for their failure. Don’t ask me where Papa is. He and his folks are absent. Only appearing when it’s time to get someone pregnant.
My friend is pregnant from rape and her mama says she should do whatever she wants with the pregnancy. Her mama doesn’t want to stain her righteous soul with the guilt of supporting abortion.
As for her papa, he hasn’t heard because my friend fears what he will do to her if he hears she got raped. To him, she must have connived with her rapist to rid him of his one source of pride — her hymen.
I’m angry because she wants to forgive the bastard. She’s bearing the physical pain, a pregnancy, guilt and the burden of being a good Christian. I wish I could fight for her and make him pay but she won’t even tell me who he is.
Mama and her sisters say that women have self control but men run roughshod with their penis. Sometimes, I look at these women and wonder if they are happy with their lives or if it’s all a façade into which they are trying to conscript as many of us as possible.
My friend is pregnant and I don’t know how to console her. She had thought of her hymen as a thing of pride. The one thing boast worthy in her life. I never understood tying my self esteem to a temporary part of me but I’m lose and rebellious. Pay me no mind.
Mama says marriage is a blessing and children are the best thing. I think she is lying or just in denial like my friend’s mama who wants no bastard and no blood on her hands. As if the choice is any of ours.
My friend is pregnant from rape. She tried to keep herself yet she lost it. I tried to find myself, I’m still missing. My boyfriend fucks how he wants and would dare me to say I’m not satisfied. Her rapist fucked her when he wanted and dares her to say a word. As always, shame lives in vaginas and we do our best to hide it.
I really am tired and sad and angry but what’s a girl to do. Being a woman is a lose lose situation.
